Successful Jokes in Class

[Namisuke]

I know many of us have had this instance in school where you try to tell a joke and get crickets:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xlIrI80og8c

Anybody have any jokes that actually get laughs? I found one by accident last month when teaching Halloween:

Me: What do zombies eat?
Students: Brain.
Me: Do you know what "brain" is in Japanese?
Students: No.
Me: (to different students) Do you know what "brain" is in Japanese?
Students: No.
Me: Oh... (to different students) Do you know what "brain" is in Japanese?
Students: No.
(Kids look really confused)
JTE: のう　is "brain" in Japanese (laughs at me).

Now I used my little blunder as a joke in class and it goes over really well! Anyone else have any others?

[CaseyJ_AkitaPA]

Do any of you know what a tarantula tastes like?

すっぱいだ！　（sour）

[ollie]

Jokes are great teachable moments for ESL classes. Usually I have to preface the joke with a lead in, sometimes casually explaining that a certain word has 2 meanings in English, or saying the word in Japanese and having students guess. You'll figure it out. I tell one every class, here is my master list. Some of these work better than others...


Q: What do you call a blind deer?
A: I have no eye dear (no idea)

Q: Want to hear a long joke?
A: joooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooke

Q: What do you call a pig with three I’s?
A: piiig

Q: What do you call a fish with no eye?
A: fsh

Q: What does a Japanese kid do when the light goes off?
A: cries (くらい=dark in Japanese)

Q: What are Mario and Luigi’s clothes made of?
A: denim denim denim (like the sounds as you enter world 1-2 on Super Mario Bros)

Q: Why don’t cannibals eat clowns?
A: They taste funny.

Q: How do you wake up Lady Gaga?
A: p p p poke her face

Q: Where do horses go when they’re sick?
A: The horsepital.

Q: What kind of key opens a banana?
A: A mon-key

Q: What is black and white and red all over?
A: A newspaper.

2 peanuts were walking down the street…one was assaulted (a salted)

A tomato family was walking down the street. Daddy, mommy and baby. Baby tomato walked really slow because he had such short little legs. Daddy tomato yelled at him a lot to walk faster, but baby just couldn’t keep up. Eventually, Daddy got fed up. He turned all red, and walked over to baby, and stomped on him, screaming “catch up” (Ketchup).

Q: Why was 6 afraid of 7?
A: Because 7 8(ate) 9!

Q: What do cats eat when it’s hot out?
A: Mice cream.

Q: What nationality are you on the way to the toilet?
A: Russian

Q: What nationality are you after you have gone to the bathroom?
A: Finnish

Q: Where are you from while you are doing your business?
A: European

Q: Why was the skeleton scared to cross the road?
A: Because he had no guts (also a great oyaji gag in Japanese, no guts is “naiso nai!”)

Q: What is a skeleton’s favorite instrument?
A: The trom-bone.

Q: What do you call a cow that has just given birth?
A: De-calf

Q: What do you call a cow with no legs?
A: Ground beef.

Q: What did the clean sheep say to the dirty sheep?
A: You need a baaaaaaath (Japanese sheep say mew or something, best to preface with a discussion about animal sounds in your home country)

Q: What do you call a monkey’s ghost?
A: A babooooooooooooon

Q: Why did the scarecrow get a promotion?
A: Because he was outstanding in his field.

[KIKKI.K]

to add to your deer one:

what do you call a deer with no eyes AND no legs?
STILL no idea!

[Jennaplus2]

I find mishearings get some of the best laughs. Sometimes I actually mishear or misunderstand and sometimes I pretend that I do.

Me: What's your name?
Student: Oshimo.
Me: O..? Oshikko (pee-pee)? eh!?
(Students bend over laughing)

[drock]

During my jigoshoukai:

"And this is my Uncle, not unko"

Always works like a charm. >_<

[Namisuke]

My JTE did this one in class the other day, but it got no laughs...


What is ゆうめいな in English? Yu mei na (Poorly sounds like "you may know") ...

[Greg_ShimanePA]

My students (and teachers!) were always stumped and amused by this one:

Me: "Which soda has three vegetables in it?"
Students: "Uhhh... I don't know."
Me: "三ツ矢サイダー" (Mitsuya Cider ... or 三つ野菜だ -- mitsu yasai da!)

[moumantai]

ALT: What is "ringo" in Japanese?
JTE: Apple!
ALT: How about "grapes"?
JTE: Budou!
ALT: And "orenji"?
JTE: Orange!

ALT: How about "Ichigo"?
JTE: Stawberry!
ALT: Nope, try again!
JTE: Ummm.. strawberry?
ALT: Nope! It's "one - five".

JTE+Students: Eeeeeeee!!!

[Tamachan87]

Word play, so long as it's geared towards Japanese, are the most successful. Word play entirely in English falls flat on it's arse.

Example:
Bad - "I love summer in England. It's my favourite day of the year."
Good - "I like table-tennis." "卓球?" "Ping-pong!" (note: ping-pong is the noise when someone is right in a gameshow)

Also, their sense of humour is more physical. That's why I have never seen a (good) stand-up comedian in Japan. They're always (screaming and hitting) duos.

[trout501]

This was during some slack time in a JHS 1st year class. I was wandering around class and they were supposed to be filling in some worksheet. I stopped to see if a group had any questions.
Kid: "Do you know AKB?"
Me: "AKB? No...what's that?" (I say this having heard about AKB 48 from every single one of my classes at some point)
Kid: [consults with friend, then draws a picture of sushi on the blackboard, labeling the neta AKB] "Kore wa sushi... AKB wa magurou mitai na neta da yo."
Me: "Oohhh. I see. It's like A-B, then."
Kid: [confused] A B?
Me: [draw shrimp on top of the AKB neta in the picture, label AB] It's a kind of AB!
[the entire class cracks up at this]