mcfly wrote:To suggest that just because things are in the process of changing concerning this one small area within the entire field of social gender issues that confronting gender discrimination in society is outdated is wildly ignorant.
mcfly wrote:Women are told how to act and dress and to be beautiful and flawless and everything that you also agreed is a problem, but they have almost NO control over those standards being shoved on them.
mcfly wrote:So yeah, dude, there's a patriarchy, and although I know all your neurons are firing right now about how these statistics are biased or how things will change in ten years so it's really not that much of a problem, completely separate from any of our original discussion of whether women overreact or not, it is stupidly irresponsible for you to be going around saying things that you clearly aren't educated about.
mcfly wrote:But don't cite "women under 35 make more than men" and arguments about patriarchical norms being outdated as facts because people on this forum seem to look up to you as some cool forum big brother or whatever and they'll actually believe you.
mcfly wrote:I DIDN'T refer to your advice as mansplaining.
mcfly wrote:I even SAID I don't think it was mansplaining. All I did was clarify what mansplaining means and say that it's a word that exists only in the context of privileged classes in a gender-biased society. You say that the words used are less important than their meaning but you seem to completely reject the idea that words have far-reaching meaning. They have powerful meaning that can normalize discriminatory and hateful views. People internalize this stuff. I get that you're really cool and self-aware and you would never let anything anyone said get to you, and maybe you are the one example ever of someone not being indoctrinated by their culture and society (you're not). But we are, to some extent, products of our environments. If it's totally cool and fine to call weak or incompetent men feminine terms to compare them to a woman, then yeah, little kids are going to grow up assuming that women are weak.
mcfly wrote:If in casual conversation women are referred to as being overemotional and if women are CONSTANTLY portrayed as being overemotional and oversensitive in TV, movies, and video games, then yeah people are going to assume that this is how the world works and women are overemotional. Your response to this seems to be that it's up to the woman to just get over this and not internalize it. But by doing that you take responsibility away from anyone who could actually say something inappropriate and sexist and put all of the responsibility on the person who I guess you think is weak enough to be hurt. Is it not a joint thing? Where women, like you rightly said, realize that they DON'T have to live by society's expectations and can be their own people, but also EVERYONE makes a concentrated effort not to perpetuate harmful stereotypes? That's what I support, and it's why I think discussions like this are important, because they make EVERYONE think critically about where they stand on these issues and how they want to change to make a society that they think is best.
mcfly wrote:I imagine that there are a lot of women in your life that are important to you, family members, friends, lovers, whatever. Do you not think that if they read what you just said, that it discourages them from being open and honest with you about how something or someone makes them feel as a woman?
mcfly wrote:It's about real problems that continue to exist even outside of social justice forums and political rallies.
mcfly wrote:...you actually seem to believe that there isn't really a problem, and you deserve to know that there IS a problem.
mcfly wrote:If you don't know much about women's rights and the exact definition of certain feminist vocabulary, that's fine, but don't pretend that you do.
mcfly wrote:Because people see this stuff, especially from someone who does normally give really great and solid advice about all sorts of stuff about JET, and they assume that "hey, I guess there really isn't so much of a problem, let's just give it ten years."
mcfly wrote:Just don't be ignorant.
William MacDonald wrote:Not only am I braver, wiser and generally a better human than [word] (and humbler to boot), but I'm also more knowledgeable than [him]...
word wrote:mcfly wrote:But don't cite "women under 35 make more than men" and arguments about patriarchical norms being outdated as facts because people on this forum seem to look up to you as some cool forum big brother or whatever and they'll actually believe you.
Why not? Just because you didn't like that statistic doesn't make it any less true.
word wrote:Change doesn't come from activists. It comes from mothers and fathers, brothers and sisters, friends and family. It comes from people who educate themselves and do the right thing. It comes from people being willing to open their minds to new and exciting possibilities and hopes. Change is constant and real, and the people who will bring about that change are the ones who walk into the world with their eyes, hearts, and minds open to its reality. Only a fool would simply "assume that there isn't much of a problem" (not just in this context, but in the context of a great many world problems). Smart folks are gonna know that they need to be a part of the changes around them, that they need to be part of the solution, not a throw-back ranting about how unfair life is.

ladama wrote:I'm just curious, what's your source for that statistic?
Shem wrote:I wasn't going to get involved but I just wanted to say that I think a single girl deciding to go and become a mechanic does FAR more to break down gender stereotypes and further equality than every single feminist theory textbook ever written.
Continuing to frame the debate in terms of "us and them", using gendered language like "mansplain" hasn't helped and WON'T help. Nor will trying to use statistical difference between groups as somehow meaningful. It doesn't MATTER if 90% of women choose to be stay-at-home mums and men earn more than women so long as women have the CHOICE to forge their own life path and the CHANCE to succeed. The problem, IMO, isn't discrimination (which is recognising differences) rather it's PREJUDICE and presuming that a member of a certain group will act in accordance to the stereotypes and not giving an individual the chance to prove themselves as an individual.
mcfly wrote:So women certainly do not hold NEARLY as much power as men in companies.
Bill Gates wrote:In my parents I saw a model where they were really always communicating, doing things together. They were really kind of a team. I wanted some of that magic myself.
Melinda Gates wrote:We set out what's going to be our work time versus our foundation time versus family time, and we'll reassess that ... sometimes every week ... We talk a lot in our home together about where we're going, what I'm doing. I think this is very much a collaborative effort. We come at it from slightly different angles, but that's why it's a natural for us to do it together.
mcfly wrote:Women are told how to act and dress and to be beautiful and flawless and everything that you also agreed is a problem, but they have almost NO control over those standards being shoved on them.
mcfly wrote:All I did was clarify what mansplaining means and say that it's a word that exists only in the context of privileged classes in a gender-biased society.
mcfly wrote:...but also EVERYONE makes a concentrated effort not to perpetuate harmful stereotypes? That's what I support...
mcfly wrote:I think discussions like this are important, because they make EVERYONE think critically about where they stand on these issues and how they want to change to make a society that they think is best.
mcfly wrote:And bringing up that it's a problem isn't reinforcing the problem, it's recognizing negative patterns in our lives and society.
mcfly wrote:But it's all on a spectrum of normalized stereotyping, so when does it become okay to bring up discrimination? Only when it becomes physical? Or never, because there is no patriarchy and all women's problems are directly comparable to if the same thing happened to a man?
mcfly wrote:It's about real problems that continue to exist even outside of social justice forums and political rallies.
mcfly wrote:You actually seem to believe that there isn't really a problem, and you deserve to know that there IS a problem...
mcfly wrote:I would be happy if you would be willing to at least look it over.
mcfly wrote:Because people see this stuff, especially from someone who does normally give really great and solid advice about all sorts of stuff about JET, and they assume that "hey, I guess there really isn't so much of a problem, let's just give it ten years."
William MacDonald wrote:Not only am I braver, wiser and generally a better human than [word] (and humbler to boot), but I'm also more knowledgeable than [him]...
Magic Wonder wrote:So I don't seem like a totally ungrateful jerk, I just thought I'd drop by here to say:
Magic Wonder wrote:If I get un-lazy I'll update my original post with the useful information in case current/future JETs have similar concerns so they don't have to wade through the drawn out, albeit epic, debate.
Magic Wonder wrote:Finally, I hope I didn't give the impression that I'm a hermit hiding in my closet, have anxiety attacks walking to my local conbini, or allow it to interfere with my interactions with students. I do leave my house, but I often leave my confidence behind. It's like being that person with the broccoli stuck in her teeth or the booger hanging out her nose - except being aware of it and not being able to do anything about it! But beyond that, if you've ever had bad acne you know it's not just a matter of appearance - it can actually be pretty physically painful which, for me, is the tipping point of needing to seek more effective treatment.
William MacDonald wrote:Not only am I braver, wiser and generally a better human than [word] (and humbler to boot), but I'm also more knowledgeable than [him]...
word wrote:I am curious... Is this how you measure women's equality in society?
Consider Microsoft. One of the largest, richest, most powerful corporations in the world. Former CEO and current chairman: known MALE Bill Gates. And yet, consider his relationship with his wife, Melinda. She left the professional world to focus on raising their children. She is well-educated, capable, and intelligent. She could, in every conceivable way, hold her own in the corporate world. Should she not be considered a "success" because she has chosen to live such a life? Should her husband be considered a misogynist because he holds a corporate position of power while she focuses on her family?
pnksweater wrote:I am less concerned about Melinda Gates and how successful she is perceived. I am more concerned with how Bill Gates would be perceived if he had decided not to pursue a life in the business/tech world and instead focus on raising awesome kids. I will be satisfied with the state of gender equality when men can take on traditionally female roles and not get a ribbing about it from other men. My two yen.
pnksweater wrote:I am less concerned about Melinda Gates and how successful she is perceived. I am more concerned with how Bill Gates would be perceived if he had decided not to pursue a life in the business/tech world and instead focus on raising awesome kids. I will be satisfied with the state of gender equality when men can take on traditionally female roles and not get a ribbing about it from other men. My two yen.
Shem wrote:I think a lot of remaining gender equality is not about women doing "male" roles, but about men being able to perform "female" roles without fear of being seen negatively. Being emotional/ irrational isn't "negative" (though it can be in certain contexts), nor is being a nurse/teacher/maternal figure any worse than being a doctor/lawyer/paternal figure. Men still can't wear skirts, makeup or be intimate with each other (outside of sports contexts), even if women can wear jeans, flannel shirts and be "manly". Society still embraces the notion that traditionally female behaviours are "weaker" and so men often don't engage in them. Breaking that down is every bit as important, if not more so, than female CEOs.
Shem wrote:As for theory:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_performativity
Judith Butler is amazing... I think she has a really good grasp on gender and queer issues, unlike a lot of theorists. She recognises kind of what we've been saying in this thread- that gender roles are reinforced by continuing to perform them.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q50nQUGiI3s
William MacDonald wrote:Not only am I braver, wiser and generally a better human than [word] (and humbler to boot), but I'm also more knowledgeable than [him]...
wiensama wrote:uh, I have a question relating to the original purpose of this thread....
I keep reading that ladies are just having their pills sent over every month. Did you do the "drug permission slip" thingy and it was denied? Or decided to avoid the trouble of filling it out and just have it sent once a month. I ask because Im on the extended cycle and so it only comes in a 3 month supply so I cant have it sent to me every month and would hate if the government denied my request in bringing a year supply.
mcfly wrote:You actually seem to believe that there isn't really a problem, and you deserve to know that there IS a problem...
sillysocks wrote:word wrote:mcfly wrote:You actually seem to believe that there isn't really a problem, and you deserve to know that there IS a problem...
Again, I do acknowledge there is a problem. Once, it was a severe problem. It is improving every day. It remains a problem because of sexually prejudiced individuals. You are one of these individuals, I believe, and it pains me that you don't see it.
I have returned. You know what a great way to improve the rights of women are? By not expressing any negative opinions of how women are treated in society and keeping positive, chin up ladies! If you do express any negative opinions about men, or our patriarchal society you best be quiet because your ruining our impending progress. Progress only happens when don't challenge pre-conceived ideas, it's a fact! You just proved her point, when women bring up concerns about how women are treated, sexist language, privilege to some men, the reaction is EVERYTHING IS FINE, STOP COMPLAINING. Which to me translate to 'don't make me feel about my privilege! I can't handle the idea that I am at the top of the food-chain for the mere fact I was born a man'
You ARE privileged in ways that women are not, just as I am because I am white, I have access to higher education, my parents are middle class and so on. This whole woo-haa of 'men and women are privileged in different ways' is bull, you as a man have access to things that I don't, you don't have to worry so much about being raped, or people thinking you are incapable of certain things. That is your privilege. Own it.
It remains a problem because people find it difficult to imagine that there existence is built on pre-determined ideas of what certain races, classes and genders are capable of. You were not born as a clean slate on which you have all the control to write whatever it is you want. By challenging these ideas through dialogues such as this forum we can change those ideas of who certain groups of people are.
Also I think any respect for you I could have had disappeared after you used the word feminazi, because Rush Limbaugh invented that word. By the mere knowledge of that fact, you should never utter that word again because it will align you with an extremely hateful, racist, mysoginistic a-hole.
You wouldn't want that, would you?
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