by Emidono » Sun Aug 05, 2012 12:12 pm
Sad to not be hearing of anymore upgrades lately..or from anyone in general. I'm sure many alternates have given up on these forums, something I should have also done a long time ago and moved on..But for some reason talking to an invisible audience feeling the same anxieties as you is comforting..So I apologize in advance for this depressing post, I just feel I need to let things out since I do little actual talking about it (not so good with talking, makes me cry instantly). I also guess I'm holding out for some consolidation.
My boyfriend of 2.5 years left with group B today for the JET program. I originally didn't want to be at the airport when he left (really bad in these airport situations) but I ended up there somehow. I got to see all excited and nervous JETs getting ready for their flight to Japan. Don't know if there's anything close to seeing that that would be a bigger hit in an alternates face. Not being able to be a part of a dream of yours and seeing your loved one leave is a very heartbreaking combination.
Not too long ago I considered applying to JET again, an idea to pick myself up a little. However, recently I realized that idea and hope just can't happen. My dad, who has been working in Columbia for the past year or something, came back home to stay in Toronto permanently yesterday. He was diagnosed with advanced cancer late last year. When he was in Columbia I did not see him very often, which made my defense mechanism of not looking at the problem work. However, seeing him back and look so sick now makes it impossible to ignore the situation, and I realize that with the little time he may have left I just can't afford to give up another year of school to go to Japan. I realize that I need to finish up school and gradually begin my career and start working to be able to support myself. That being said, I realize that this may be my only chance for JET. At least for quite some time.
Though I was pretty darn upset finding out I was on the alternate list (more and more waiting, which I had enough of..) I had people giving me hope. First wave this, second wave that. My Japanese professor told me to be patient, and that all her past students that were on the alternate list all got, even as late as July. Well, it's August, most JETs are now in Japan. Still not a word. This year turned out to be a pretty bad year for Toronto alternates. In fact just the number of alternates Toronto had was shocking. Many of the events geared at for JET participants in Toronto were majority people on the waiting list. Yet I only heard of 2 people being upgraded from Toronto on these forums..There are probably more but myself and other deserving Toronto alternates are still waiting and hoping..
I suppose that last part may have sounded like a rant, but truthfully I am starting to feel rather unlucky. I mean, if only I weren't in Toronto, maybe it could have happened?
Was this post necessary? Not probably. Did it belong here? I don't know. But right now I am feeling rather lost, upset and lonely. Yeah, I just don't feel so good. My boyfriend is gone, my best friend will be leaving to Korea soon also, my other friends will be out of the city for school, I have to witness my dad becoming more sick as the days go by and I'm still hoping for that call knowing that this would probably be my only chance..Even though the idea of JET made me so unbelievably happy at the beginning, I honestly now feel like signed up for a major kick in the face..Or I just shouldn't have hoped for it so much, especially when applying with your significant other. I applied to every other conceivable company, and either didn't hear back or just got rejected. Applying to Korea also did not work well. Overall I feel very defeated and alone.
Sorry, and thanks for reading my self directed pity story.
Oh, and of course, good luck to all those still holding on and waiting.
JET 2013 PROGRAMME | TORONTO | SHORTLISTED | Heading to Kitakyushu-shi!
Yeah, does not help me not think about being on the alternate list.
